Not since the Kardashians built a multi-million dollar empire has something so pointless been fretted over as much as the off-again, on-again bilateral series between India and Pakistan. For the best part of a year Shaharyar Khan, the Chairman of the Pakistan Cricket Board, has made the tour his pet project – a chance to leave a legacy. Shaharyar, of course, has experience of similar ventures – he was manager of the Pakistan team in the days leading up to Pakistan's first tour of India in a decade in 1999. And he was appointed as the chairman of the board just months before the 2004 tour – India's first visit to Pakistan in almost fifteen years. For all his diplomatic nous though, this expedition has always seemed a bridge too far, especially with how both states have interacted with one another outside of cricket over the past year or so.
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But even if it were to happen, it's pretty obvious where it won't be taking place. One of the sticking points from the very start was the fact that Pakistan have exclusively played their home cricket in the UAE since the summer of 2010. The BCCI, and particularly Shashank Manohar's, aversion to the Emirates hosting such a series has been pretty explicit. The PCB supposedly relented to their wishes, not because they agreed with them, but apparently because they didn't feel like this was the hill worth dying on.
The question to ask, though, is why Pakistan would even want the series taking place in the UAE. Sure their logistical network and fanbase exists there which has allowed the PCB to survive over the past half a decade, but at the most basic level this series, like most international sport, is about winning. Much has been made of Pakistan's home Test record there, one of the more remarkable achievements in modern Pakistani cricketing history. But it has also hidden the fact that there are very few places Pakistan are worse at playing limited overs cricket than in Sharjah, Abu Dhabi and Dubai.
After fifteen years of losing more series on home soil than they'd won, Pakistan's unbeaten run in UAE Tests is dismissed by some as par for the course. Beyond their predecessors, if there's any group that has provided the contrast it has been the limited overs sides. The assumption, even as England wiped the floor with Pakistan, was that this was the coming of a new age for the visitors as Pakistan are formidable opposition in the desert. The numbers, though, tell another story.
Pakistan played their first ODIs after the Sri Lanka attacks in the Emirates, under the captaincy of Younis Khan. That series against Australia was the first time Ahmed Shehzad and Mohammad Amir were part of a Pakistan squad – a continuation of the post-Inzamam transition. Since, and including, that campaign Pakistan have now played 12 bilateral series in the UAE, winning only three of them (two against Sri Lanka, one against Afghanistan). Every other touring team has come to the Gulf and treated Pakistan with bludgeoning contempt.
There are obvious reasons for this – in the post T20 world, Pakistan – the pariah – have been left behind in both development and the fruits of this new fangled world; looking from the outside in, feeling ever more the outcast. And unlike popular perception, this record doesn't discriminate with regards to captaincy. Under Misbah, Pakistan won three out of seven; with Azhar now joining Afridi and Younis to have captained in Pakistan's nominal home with a combined record of four series defeats out of four. Against New Zealand in 2014, Misbah took charge of the first two matches and Afridi the last three, but neither returned with a winning record.
The reasons for this are quite obvious: Pakistan's success in Test cricket is based on flat wickets that deteriorate over time and a team built ideally for such conditions. In ODIs flat wickets are the norm and whenever a typical ODI is played Pakistan seem lost at sea. Since consecutive one wicket victories against South Africa in 2009 (inspired by the brilliance of Abdul Razzaq, see below), Pakistan have lost 15 of the 19 matches in the Emirates where one of the two teams scores 250+.
Thus Pakistan's slide down the rankings makes sense. What doesn't make sense is Pakistan's record outside of the Emirates.
In tournaments during that time, Pakistan have proven to be the mean average – reaching the finals of both Asia Cups (winning once), being humiliated at the Champions Trophy and gaining some fans at the most recent World Cup. Meanwhile, in light of Pakistan's UAE record, their bilateral away series record is scarcely believable. Since the era defining tour to England in 2010, Pakistan have played 18 away series, winning 13 of them. Yet again it doesn't discriminate with captaincy – each of the captains have won more away series than they've lost during this period – nor does it discriminate with regards to quality: they've won six of their ten away series against top-8 nations, including historic victories in India, Sri Lanka and South Africa (where they became the first Asian side to win a bilateral series in any format).
And it's not as if this is restricted to just the 50 over game. Pakistan's record in T20Is is similarly skewed. Pakistan have lost only three of their 13 away bilateral series (winning seven), but in the Emirates they've won only three of 10 series. And those three series don't exactly paint the greatest of pictures: the first was a one match affair against Sri Lanka, the second was a 2-1 win against Australia where one of the two victories was a tie, while the third was against associate nation Afghanistan.
On the surface of it none of this makes any real sense, except with the equivalent stat again – in matches where either of the teams has scored 250+, Pakistan have won on 15 of the 27 occasions. Thus, despite what the reputation might suggest, Pakistani batsmen might actually prefer a quick flat wicket elsewhere than the featherbeds of the UAE.
If the Pakistan-India series is to happen, the Pakistan team might want to heed the words of Shashank Manohar – anywhere but the Emirates should be acceptable to them.
