If Premier League managers floated on the stock exchange then only the bravest of traders would wade into that market.
They say every army is just three meals away from mutiny and it doesn’t take much more than three defeats on the bounce for a club to stick a fork in their latest manager.
A few weeks ago Ronald Koeman was the innovator leading Everton on to a bold new era. Now he’s tidying up his CV. The fairly unmemorable Claude Puel, just about still remembered for his fairly unmemorable Southampton team, is suddenly back in the fold with Leicester.
But it’s not just their short shelf lives. The Premier League’s incumbent managers blow hot and cold in the face of public opinion from week to week, even those whose hotseats are a little cooler than most.
Think back to August – how long ago that seems now – when Mauricio Pochettino could not buy a win at Wembley, and when it was easy to sell the idea that in his second season Jose Mourinho, as is his way, would bring home the big trophies for Manchester United.
Now? Well, just think of it like a seismograph, the equipment used for measuring earthquakes – in an instant the spikes have lurched to the other extreme.
Suddenly Mourinho the pragmatist is Mourinho the philistine who refuses to change his ways, an old argument that intensifies after a couple of poor results. They need someone new … like Pochettino.
United have gone in every other direction post-Fergie, after all. First you had the tried-and-tested Brit who deserved his shot, then the quirky Dutch connoisseur of tactics, the current ‘born winner’ – it’s time to go all-in on the next big thing in Poch.
Or so one narrative goes. But if you handed the smart investor a few dirhams to dabble in our fantasy managerial stocks, they would surely plough a fair portion of their kitty into Mourinho.
Manchester City are magic. He can feel both Tottenham and Chelsea breathing down his neck. His team somehow made Liverpool’s defence look as impenetrable as the Hoover Dam. Top it off with Huddersfield summoning the spirit of 1971, and there’s been a fire sale on those Mourinho shares.
The thing is, for however regressive and intractable Mourinho’s tactics and philosophy may seem, he nearly always delivers for his stakeholders. It doesn’t matter what you see on the pitch – it’s all a mirage. Just look at that trophy cabinet, bulging with 24 trophies collected from 17 years of management. With Porto, Chelsea (in two stints), Inter Milan and Real Madrid, he has won the league title.
🔴 Man Utd
🏟 Old Trafford
👤 @HKaneMauricio previews tomorrow’s @premierleague clash.#COYS pic.twitter.com/akBFyHG7sG
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) October 27, 2017
Contrast that with Pochettino, who for however progressive and flexible his tactics and philosophy may seem, has not won a trophy. Not one in eight years as a head coach.
The obvious counterpoint to that is he has not been fortunate enough to manage your Reals and your Inters, but he’s into his fourth year with Spurs now and a League Cup finalist’s medal is his only physical evidence of moderate success.
Which is why it was strange that some have claimed that Pochettino will be relieved that Tottenham were dumped out of the EFL Cup by West Ham in midweek, all the while saying that a victory would resurrect Slaven Bilic and the Hammers.
Dele Alli and Eric Dier, supposed cornerstone of this new generation at Spurs, played the entire game and should be desperate for their first cup success. It would be a huge worry if they weren’t.
And this is the problem with Spurs at the moment, which goes far beyond whether they can beat United without Harry Kane. Whereas Mourinho is a proven commodity, when you invest in Pochettino and his players, you invest in potential. It’s about time we see some returns.
